Day 3 through Autism Goggles

Sammy got pretty upset today at lunch.  She felt left out and took it really personally.  I was thrilled that she wanted to be included but hated to see her so upset.  I did have to remove her from the restaurant (in her stroller).  We went outside and talked in the rain.  When that didn't work, I took her out of the stroller and held her on my lap and rocked on the wet pavement.  She was an emotional wreck.  But after a lot of consoling and reassuring, we made enough progress that she agreed to come back in the restaurant but not eat.

I agreed and we rejoined the party at dinner.  Luckily we had already ordered so by the time we got in the food was being delivered.  Sammy didn't eat much but did eventually get through her french fries and chocolate milk.  As she started to reconnect she asked me about getting a snack after dinner.  She wanted a Frozen Mickey (essentially its an ice cream bar shaped like Mickey's head).  I agreed but once the dessert menu came out she decided to eat dessert at the restaurant instead.  So I told her she could get her Mickey later.

But then, later in the afternoon, we decided she would have to wait til after supper so as to not ruin her meal.  After supper, we told her to wait til we were back in the park and then once in Epcot we told her she'd have to wait til we were done with the rides.  But "we will definitely get one during the fireworks".  She agreed each time we delayed but you could tell she was growing more and more concerned that she could not trust me and that somehow the plan was unravelling.

Keep in mind... delays are hard, change is hard... and this kids had a BIG day!  So imagine my horror when literally every frozen Mickey store was closed.  Every... Single... One!  Scott literally walked around for close to 30 minutes trying to find one.  I hated to be the bearer of bad news, but I tried to rip the bandaid off.  Yeah, that didn't work.

Sammy was so frustrated.  She covered her head and refused to watch the fireworks.  It was awful.  Poor thing.  I felt terrible for yet another disappointment and more tears.  Once the show was over and we took the cab home, I brought her over to the restaurant in our lobby to FINALLY buy that elusive Frozen Mickey.  Yes, all is right in the world now!  Mom can be trusted!  Sammy will sleep well tonight.

I share this for several reasons.  First, I always want to be honest about what its like traveling with a kiddo with autism.  Second, I really want people to realize how difficult days can be for Sammy...  understanding that even simple changes to the plan can throw our world off course.  And third, in this case, I want to share the beauty that I find in it all.  So here goes...

I'll be honest.  Today was kinda rough on me too.  I'm tired.. physically and mentally and after rocking my crying girl on the wet pavement, I'm a bit of an emotional wreck as well.  But you know what I realized tonight as I tucked her in to bed?

Sometimes life is hard.
Sometimes its mean.
Sometimes its just plain disappointing.
Often it can be unexpected.

But no matter what life throws at her, I want to be right along side...

Sometimes that means riding those crazy roller coasters that I don't like.
Sometimes its asking for handicap access.
Sometimes that means noticing the volume in a crowded room and pulling out the headphones.
Sometimes that means walking to the lobby when your feet hurt and
Sometimes that means crying with her in the middle of a crowded, wet sidewalk.

Because that kid holds a piece of my heart and when she hurts, I do.

But the secret to it all is that when she succeeds, we all do.  Keep in mind, Sammy's successes are never just "good", she doesn't fly at the normal heights or at the normal pace.  This kid soars!  Her glorious highs are sky high, miraculous and full of tangible, gushy, sloppy love.

And I am blessed enough to be right there along for the ride.  Thank you Jesus!